Disability does NOT define you
Recently, I had a long heartfelt conversation with a client who was upset regarding how her life has changed since applying for disability. We spoke for a while and after we spoke, I decided I would share with you some of the words that I shared with her. I am not sure if these words give you comfort but I hope I can give some perspective.
- Disability does NOT define you.
People define themselves in a variety of ways. Whether it’s the work they do, the charities they support, or even their marital status, people look to different things to give their lives meaning and to establish what defines them. Unfortunately, for some, being disabled may significantly alter the way you do the things you do. And this can be devastating. We live for certain things and once we believe we are no longer able to do the things that define us, we feel less of a person.
However, this does not in ANY way diminish the person you are. It may change how you deal with things but it does not eliminate the person you are. You still have your wisdom. You still have your knowledge. You still have your spirit and your soul. THOSE things define you and it is those things that carry you when all other things have faded.
- Applying for disability is NOT part of your life plan
When you’re a kid, most of your life plans probably look like this: a) go to school, b) graduate, c) go to __________ (trade school, military, college), d) get a job, e) meet someone special, f) raise a family, h) retire, and i) ride off into the sunset. Now, we all know it NEVER works out like that but the one thing we have during this whole plan is our ability to redirect. WE are in control. We get sidetracked but we still have the ability to get back on track. What gets tough is when something happens that we believe prevents us from controlling our ability to get back on track. So, when you feel you no longer have that control, you get frustrated. So, when you apply for Social Security Disability, you truly feel like you have lost control. Don’t let it frustrate you. Whether you believe it or not, this is just another sidetrack. You do have the ability to get back on track.
- You are still in control.
Which brings me to control. NO ONE likes to feel like they are leaving their fate in the hands of someone else. However, we do it every day. We leave teachers in control of our kids. We leave our cards in control of our mechanics. We leave our professionals in control of our affairs. When you apply, it is easy to feel like you are NOT in control because there are so many moving parts to the process and sometimes, you don’t know what is going on during the process. Just remember, your case is still YOUR case and whether it’s feeling out a form, going to a doctor, or writing a statement, you are still in control.
- You are APPLYING for Disability, not BEGGING for Disability
I know this is tough to here but we live in a society where you have to PROVE you are entitled to receive most things. No one will just GIVE You a job. You have to apply and PROVE you deserve it. No one will just GIVE you a college degree. You have to apply and PROVE you deserve to be admitted AND do the work to graduate. There are many instances in life where you have to apply and prove you are entitled to receive something. Unfortunately, the Disability process is tough because you truly NEED the benefits and you don’t want to have to feel like you’re begging for it. I know it feels like you’re begging but you’re not. You’re applying and having to prove that you are entitled to receive it. Millions of people are doing the same thing so don’t think you are begging for handouts.
- We live month to month but applying for disability could be year to year.
There are two tough realities: a) most people live month to month and b) most people don’t save. And this is worse when you have lost the ability to work and earn a living month to month and you don’t have any savings. So, the notion of having to wait possibly years is terrifying. The reality is that you may have to wait an extended time to obtain benefits.
- Your new normal doesn’t mean you have abandoned the old you
I have a couple of friends who have received disability benefits. They are just feisty, energetic, free spirited and outspoken as they were when I first met them. In my eyes, the only way I know they received disability benefits is they told me. Otherwise, regardless of what health problems they experience, they are STILL the same persons I know. Don’t let your change in your health circumstances cause you to believe that you are no longer the person that you were. Trust me. You ARE the truth!
- It’s ok to be frustrated but don’t give up because you are STRONGER than you know
You don’t truly appreciate what survival is until you have to SURVIVE for a prolonged period of time. You never had to ask for help. You never had to ask for a loan or sleep on someone’s couch or apply for food stamps. All of these are completely new to you. But you know what? You did the damn thing! When you stop and look back and realize how long it’s been, you don’t know it but you are a WARRIOR! Don’t let yourself overlook the fact that you were able to survive all these months and years. You are the TRUTH!
I know these words may not replace the fact that you truly need disability benefits but I do hope it puts things in perspective. Disability does not DEFINE you and you should never let disability DEFEAT you!